"People throw around the word tragedy a bit too easily these days, but it feels like an understatement today"
“He’ll literally do anything to avoid writing the book, and he’s got so much pull around the world that he can make his ridiculous excuses a reality"
"To waste precious beer in this era of resource shortages is absolutely disgusting! You realise the Amazon rainforest is burning right?"
"We're confident it will still be a very exciting contest" said a spokesperson for the English Cricket Board.
After another delicious display from Marnus Labuschagne in the third Ashes test, Australia has officially made lasagne our national dish to honour the great man.
“Having the opportunity to front the media every week and whinge so virtuously has been more than just a job for me, it’s my passion"
“Look we may have gone a bit soon on that one”
“I didn’t see one Mexican get past it the whole time, not one, those guys really know what they’re doing”
“You might think that annoying people makes them less likely to vote for your candidate, but you’d definitely be wrong”
Foxtel's data indicates that more than 30 million Australians have subscribed to the service in the last three weeks.
Witnesses told Seems Legit that he disappeared after about half an hour of drilling with it still being completely unclear what he had achieved.
“The average Australian consumes 14 Zooper Doopers per day. We know those numbers are skewed a bit by one bloke called Ron, but it still highlights the kind of waste that can accumulate over a summer"
“Yeah, there’s really not much to do when it gets cleaned every day so we do like to mess with them a bit”
“Not that it’s true…if anything, driving an Audi proves you have an enormous penis"
A recent study has found that tailgating can get you to work more than a full second faster than driving normally.
A TAFE student of Irish ancestry has taken exception to the mispronunciation of her name during a lecturer’s roll call, it has emerged.
Witnesses told Seems Legit that he then made a series of awkward screaming noises as he attempted to cool the food with his breath while it was still in his open mouth.