Witnesses told Seems Legit that he disappeared after about half an hour of drilling with it still being completely unclear what he had achieved.
“Yeah, there’s really not much to do when it gets cleaned every day so we do like to mess with them a bit”
A TAFE student of Irish ancestry has taken exception to the mispronunciation of her name during a lecturer’s roll call, it has emerged.
Witnesses told Seems Legit that he then made a series of awkward screaming noises as he attempted to cool the food with his breath while it was still in his open mouth.
Popular umpire, Ray Chamberlain, is one who thinks the change in policy is well overdue. “I’ve always been the type to own it when I get a call wrong, and really appreciate it when players point out a howler".
“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
“He’s really proud of how he’s protected Australia from the dangerous children who pose such a threat to our way of life”
"That's really showed us how barbaric we were in supporting someone who is non-violently protesting against innocent African Americans being killed by police"
“She must have started working around here, I reckon I see her two or three times a week now”
The tweet is understood to have completely obliterated Iran’s Twitter infrastructure, neutralising their ability to retaliate.
“As you know, because it was opposite day, I meant the opposite of everything I said, so clearly I meant that ‘I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be Russia’ not would”
"It's almost definitely not because our company earns money based on how many people take the test, and that most people would only share their results and encourage their friends to take it if they've performed well"
“I used to have a beautiful, lustrous mane on my back, and I guess I just assumed it would last forever”
“It’s a little disappointing he hasn’t found a way to blame the issues on Labor yet, but we’re confident his best work is still to come”
"They say it can take a thousand years for the environment to break down a plastic bag, but I'm confident my family's supply will last much longer than that"
Despite often eating cereal as a snack or quick dinner during the 6 hours of Netflix he puts in after work most nights, the seconds saved getting started early are apparently critical.
After months of demanding privacy for he and his families, Barnaby Joyce refused to relax his position despite inviting Channel 7 into his home for a $150K interview.
"I’ve been crushing it standing around in hi-vis looking at the bloke using the forklift ay, and I’m regularly breaking the 50% barrier for getting the morning coffee orders right. I’m ready”