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‘You’re Welcome Kids’ Says Man Who Donated $2.35 To Biggest Morning Tea Fundraiser
“Cop that cancer” he was also heard saying while dumping his shrapnel collection into a donation bucket.
Shouting And Shoving Pamphlets In Faces Still Best Way To Promote Political Party
“You might think that annoying people makes them less likely to vote for your candidate, but you’d definitely be wrong”
Tradie Seems Pretty Unconcerned By Drilling Noise In Busy Office
Witnesses told Seems Legit that he disappeared after about half an hour of drilling with it still being completely unclear what he had achieved.
Features
Sport
‘Extras’ Being Groomed To Take Over As England’s Test Captain
Following a highly embarrassing 4-0 loss to Australia in The Ashes, pressure is mounting on Joe Root to step down as England's Test captain.
English Cricket Team To Take TAFE Course On What Those White Lines Mean
After taking a number of Australian wickets only to have them disallowed due to front foot no balls, England's team will attend an introduction to cricket seminar.
Final Day Of First Test’s Telecast Just Warney Abusing Starc And Hobart
"The early finish has allowed us to give Warney a platform for his objective opinions"
Clarko To Stop Coaching Hawthorn So He Can Focus On Running The AFL
It’s been reported that Clarko wants to spend more time on his other job, which is managing the league as a whole.
News
‘Was Jeffrey Dahmer The First Victim Of Cancel Culture?’ – By Andrew Bolt
Was Jeffrey Dahmer The First Victim Of Cancel Culture?
Scomo: We Can’t Allow Putin To Undercut World Map Retailers With Invasion
“He’s gone too far this time”
Scomo Reckons Novak Might Have Hoarded All The RAT Tests
“Novak's trying to get an exemption from the Covid vaccine, right around the time that we have a shortage of Covid tests. Coincidence?"
Scomo Runs Rapid Test Giveaway On His TikTok To Boost Following
"I know how much you kids want rapid tests, so I'll be giving them away to five lucky winners"
Scomo: ‘If Infectious People Go To Enough Places They’ll Surely Find A Rapid Test’
"With the prices they're going for, I might see if Jenny can put a few on Gumtree on the downlow"
New Definition Of ‘Close Contact’ To Exclude Anyone Not Already Craving Human Flesh
"Basically, we let the virus run free in NSW and massively underestimated how bad it would be lol"
‘This Is My 12th Beer’ Says School Leaver On His 3rd Beer
"Beer's just like water to me these days, it barely touches me"
‘Just Give Me Whatever’s The Strongest’ Says Anti-Vaxxer Asking For Painkillers
A local anti-vaxxer has strayed from their recently discovered caution towards medicine after waking up with a 'migraine'.
NSW Mice Plague Protesters Release Millions More Mice Into Plagued Areas
Due to the government being unable to stop a mice plague from ravaging parts of the country, thousands of NSW citizens have taken matters into their own hands with a powerful protest.
Turnbull Slams Vaccine Rollout As Biggest Failure Since His Own NBN Rollout
Former Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull has labelled Scott Morrison’s Covid-19 vaccine rollout an “incredible failure”.
St Joseph’s Boys Accidentally Receive New Kidneys Despite Having Two Already
Following reports that 163 St Joseph’s Students mistakenly received the highly scarce Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, it’s been revealed that several of the boys were also given new kidneys.
Cows Who Humans Eat And Wear The Skin Of Blamed For Climate Change
A report has revealed that cows are now being blamed for the climate change that is destroying our planet, due to the methane gas they release.
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