A report has revealed that cows are now being blamed for the climate change that is destroying our planet, due to the methane gas they release.
Flamethrower Licenses Approved If Citizens Confirm They Thought They Saw A Cockroach Crawl Under The Couch
A law has recently been passed to allow all Australians important access to flamethrowers and other ‘tools’ if they believe they might have seen a cockroach inside their home.
Multiple staffers witnessed Mr Trump typing 'LOL' in reply to a text message from a good friend by the name of Vladimir, despite not even cracking a smile.
“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
“We’re not so much trying to make the right calls during games, ARC was built to allow the muppets we employ for score reviews to hide after a terrible decision"
"People throw around the word tragedy a bit too easily these days, but it feels like an understatement today"
"To waste precious beer in this era of resource shortages is absolutely disgusting! You realise the Amazon rainforest is burning right?"
"After showing no leadership and taking no action in response to the devastating fires for several weeks, I figured a little trip to some Hawaiian beaches wouldn't make a difference"
“While that’s not exactly a high standard, seriously mate, did you see that guy? What a bloody mad dog!"
“He’ll literally do anything to avoid writing the book, and he’s got so much pull around the world that he can make his ridiculous excuses a reality"
“Cop that cancer” he was also heard saying while dumping his shrapnel collection into a donation bucket.
“Look we may have gone a bit soon on that one”
“I didn’t see one Mexican get past it the whole time, not one, those guys really know what they’re doing”
“You might think that annoying people makes them less likely to vote for your candidate, but you’d definitely be wrong”
Foxtel's data indicates that more than 30 million Australians have subscribed to the service in the last three weeks.
Witnesses told Seems Legit that he disappeared after about half an hour of drilling with it still being completely unclear what he had achieved.
“The average Australian consumes 14 Zooper Doopers per day. We know those numbers are skewed a bit by one bloke called Ron, but it still highlights the kind of waste that can accumulate over a summer"
“Yeah, there’s really not much to do when it gets cleaned every day so we do like to mess with them a bit”