Seems Legit

"That's really showed us how barbaric we were in supporting someone who is non-violently protesting against innocent African Americans being killed by police"

“She must have started working around here, I reckon I see her two or three times a week now”

The tweet is understood to have completely obliterated Iran’s Twitter infrastructure, neutralising their ability to retaliate.

“As you know, because it was opposite day, I meant the opposite of everything I said, so clearly I meant that ‘I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be Russia’ not would”

"It's almost definitely not because our company earns money based on how many people take the test, and that most people would only share their results and encourage their friends to take it if they've performed well"

“I used to have a beautiful, lustrous mane on my back, and I guess I just assumed it would last forever”

“It’s a little disappointing he hasn’t found a way to blame the issues on Labor yet, but we’re confident his best work is still to come”

"They say it can take a thousand years for the environment to break down a plastic bag, but I'm confident my family's supply will last much longer than that"

Despite often eating cereal as a snack or quick dinner during the 6 hours of Netflix he puts in after work most nights, the seconds saved getting started early are apparently critical.

After months of demanding privacy for he and his families, Barnaby Joyce refused to relax his position despite inviting Channel 7 into his home for a $150K interview.

"I’ve been crushing it standing around in hi-vis looking at the bloke using the forklift ay, and I’m regularly breaking the 50% barrier for getting the morning coffee orders right. I’m ready”

Three co-workers, armed with nothing other than mediocre gossip, have managed to completely block a footpath, preventing humans walking at normal speed from getting past.