"People throw around the word tragedy a bit too easily these days, but it feels like an understatement today"
"To waste precious beer in this era of resource shortages is absolutely disgusting! You realise the Amazon rainforest is burning right?"
"We're confident it will still be a very exciting contest" said a spokesperson for the English Cricket Board.
After another delicious display from Marnus Labuschagne in the third Ashes test, Australia has officially made lasagne our national dish to honour the great man.
“Having the opportunity to front the media every week and whinge so virtuously has been more than just a job for me, it’s my passion"
“I admit I may have a slight flaw with my hair growing technique, but to say I’m bald is totally unfair”