Rance Relieved World Cup Puts His Diving Into Perspective
“It’s like I’m an extra on Home and Away and they’re all Robert De Niro”
Retiring Winx Too Emotional For Post-Race Interview
Winx’s trainer and close personal friend, Chris Waller wasn’t surprised that the touching finale to her career left the record-breaker lost for words.
Entire Country Suddenly Realises It Doesn’t Actually Like Soccer
“Toughen up and play a real sport mate, soccer is for soft pansy wankers”
Manager Disputes Claim Of ‘AFL Star’ Snorting Illicit Substances
“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
AFL Admits ARC Bunker Built To Hide Goal Reviewers After Bad Decisions
“We’re not so much trying to make the right calls during games, ARC was built to allow the muppets we employ for score reviews to hide after a terrible decision"
Lasagne Adopted As Australia’s National Dish In Tribute To Marnus
After another delicious display from Marnus Labuschagne in the third Ashes test, Australia has officially made lasagne our national dish to honour the great man.