Manager Disputes Claim Of ‘AFL Star’ Snorting Illicit Substances
“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
World Cup Purist Struggles To Explain Why Aussie ‘Football’ Team Called Socceroos
“The sport is football. Real fans know them as the Footballroos”
David King Reveals Total Score As Critical KPI For Winning Grand Finals
“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
Ticketek Apologises In Advance For Issues Buying Grand Final Tickets
“The horrible service we deliver allows us to keep the handling fee for printing out your own ticket under $10"
Fans Devastated Luke Hodge Has Retired Without Winning Elusive 5th Premiership
"People throw around the word tragedy a bit too easily these days, but it feels like an understatement today"
AFL Admits ARC Bunker Built To Hide Goal Reviewers After Bad Decisions
“We’re not so much trying to make the right calls during games, ARC was built to allow the muppets we employ for score reviews to hide after a terrible decision"