David King Reveals Total Score As Critical KPI For Winning Grand Finals
“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
GWS Fuming Over Vicious Headbutt To Jeremy Cameron’s Elbow
“As you can see in the replay, Jeremy is just trying to compete in a marking contest, when Harris Andrews, who isn’t even facing the ball, headbutts him right in the elbow”
Brad Scott Emotional About Last Chance To Whinge In Press Conference
“Having the opportunity to front the media every week and whinge so virtuously has been more than just a job for me, it’s my passion"
Remainder Of Ashes To Be Decided By Test Match Board Game If Rain Persists
"We're confident it will still be a very exciting contest" said a spokesperson for the English Cricket Board.
AFL To Throw Book At Fan Who ‘Wasted Beer’ Thrown At Essendon Players
"To waste precious beer in this era of resource shortages is absolutely disgusting! You realise the Amazon rainforest is burning right?"
Fans Devastated Luke Hodge Has Retired Without Winning Elusive 5th Premiership
"People throw around the word tragedy a bit too easily these days, but it feels like an understatement today"