Footy Fan Makes Up For Lack Of Wit With Increased Volume
"Eddie McGuire and the Channel 9 execs reckon I’m producing just the sort of cutting edge comedy that would suit The Footy Show”
AFL Admits ARC Bunker Built To Hide Goal Reviewers After Bad Decisions
“We’re not so much trying to make the right calls during games, ARC was built to allow the muppets we employ for score reviews to hide after a terrible decision"
Retiring Winx Too Emotional For Post-Race Interview
Winx’s trainer and close personal friend, Chris Waller wasn’t surprised that the touching finale to her career left the record-breaker lost for words.
GWS Fuming Over Vicious Headbutt To Jeremy Cameron’s Elbow
“As you can see in the replay, Jeremy is just trying to compete in a marking contest, when Harris Andrews, who isn’t even facing the ball, headbutts him right in the elbow”
Manager Disputes Claim Of ‘AFL Star’ Snorting Illicit Substances
“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
Entire Country Suddenly Realises It Doesn’t Actually Like Soccer
“Toughen up and play a real sport mate, soccer is for soft pansy wankers”