David King Reveals Total Score As Critical KPI For Winning Grand Finals
“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
AFL To Throw Book At Fan Who ‘Wasted Beer’ Thrown At Essendon Players
"To waste precious beer in this era of resource shortages is absolutely disgusting! You realise the Amazon rainforest is burning right?"
Channel 7 Shows AFL Live Ladder After First Point Scored
"It turns out that spamming viewers with a Live Ladder every two minutes and blocking out a chunk of the screen takes it to a whole new level"
Entire Country Suddenly Realises It Doesn’t Actually Like Soccer
“Toughen up and play a real sport mate, soccer is for soft pansy wankers”
Manager Disputes Claim Of ‘AFL Star’ Snorting Illicit Substances
“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
Robert Walls Stands By Claim That Eagles Will Win The Wooden Spoon
Despite sitting on top of the ladder with 8 wins from 9 games, AFL legend and part time fortune teller, Robert Walls hasn’t backed down from his pre-season prediction that the West Coast Eagles will finish last in 2018.