Thursday, March 26, 2026
Jack Watts Snorting Powder

Manager Disputes Claim Of ‘AFL Star’ Snorting Illicit Substances

“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
David King

David King Reveals Total Score As Critical KPI For Winning Grand Finals

“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
Winx

Retiring Winx Too Emotional For Post-Race Interview

Winx’s trainer and close personal friend, Chris Waller wasn’t surprised that the touching finale to her career left the record-breaker lost for words.
Australia Doesn't Like Soccer

Entire Country Suddenly Realises It Doesn’t Actually Like Soccer

“Toughen up and play a real sport mate, soccer is for soft pansy wankers”
Marnus Lasagne

Lasagne Adopted As Australia’s National Dish In Tribute To Marnus

After another delicious display from Marnus Labuschagne in the third Ashes test, Australia has officially made lasagne our national dish to honour the great man.
Clarko

Clarko To Stop Coaching Hawthorn So He Can Focus On Running The AFL

It’s been reported that Clarko wants to spend more time on his other job, which is managing the league as a whole.