Wednesday, September 23, 2020
Ticketek Apologises

Ticketek Apologises In Advance For Issues Buying Grand Final Tickets

“The horrible service we deliver allows us to keep the handling fee for printing out your own ticket under $10"
Goal Review Umpire

AFL Throws Support Behind Controversial Goal Review Umpire

The AFL is standing by goal review official, Ray Charles, who is believed to have made the highly criticised call of ‘behind’ during Richmond’s win over St Kilda
David King

David King Reveals Total Score As Critical KPI For Winning Grand Finals

“We’ve been working overtime in The Lab, and even summoned some analysis from The War Room to deliver this exclusive”
Alastair Clarkson Gillon McLachlan Coffee

Clarko Meets Gil For Coffee After Only Getting Eight 50m Penalties Against Port

“The umpires have to realise it’s a critical part of how we move the ball forward”
Jack Watts Snorting Powder

Manager Disputes Claim Of ‘AFL Star’ Snorting Illicit Substances

“Everyone knows that Jack bloody hates cocaine, even if he does happen to enjoy the smell of the stuff”
Rance Diving

Rance Relieved World Cup Puts His Diving Into Perspective

“It’s like I’m an extra on Home and Away and they’re all Robert De Niro”