Scomo Reckons Novak Might Have Hoarded All The RAT Tests

With the critical Rapid Antigen Tests (RATs) still almost impossible to obtain, the Prime Minister’s only respite for public backlash is the distraction of the Novak Djokovic saga.

The highly unpopular tennis champion is trying to get an exemption to play in the Australian Open without being vaccinated, so old mate Scotty is doing his best to deflect attention away from his failures by vilifying the one bloke more hated than him at the moment.

“We’re certainly looking into it” said the Prime Minister.

“He’s trying to get an exemption from the Covid vaccine, right around the time that we have a shortage of Covid tests. It would be quite a coincidence wouldn’t it?

“I mean, what’s more likely, I had two years to prepare for this moment and completely messed it up, or Novak is hoarding all these tests to make me look bad?

“This is an attack on Australia!

“If proven true, I assure you that I’ll devote all my time and resources to making Novak suffer for this.

“Everything else will be put on hold, and I’m sure that’s the way Australians want it”.

In a wide-ranging press conference, Scomo also made some other assertions about what Mr Djokovic might have done in the past such as posing as a Liberal minister while harassing female staffers and making Christian Porter use a blind trust to pay for his legal fees.

“Look, there’s a lot we’re considering, but we couldn’t rule out that he caused the bushfires a couple of years ago.

“Again, it was right around the time Novak was in Australia for some unknown reason.

“Did he decimate the government departments responsible for minimising bushfires, ignore a letter from the fire chiefs warning they were coming, and force me to flee to Hawaii?

“It’s too early to say for sure, but I reckon he probably did”.