Friday, March 29, 2024
Close Contact

New Definition Of ‘Close Contact’ To Exclude Anyone Not Already Craving Human Flesh

"Basically, we let the virus run free in NSW and massively underestimated how bad it would be lol"
School Leaver

‘This Is My 12th Beer’ Says School Leaver On His 3rd Beer

"Beer's just like water to me these days, it barely touches me"
Anti-Vaxxer

‘Just Give Me Whatever’s The Strongest’ Says Anti-Vaxxer Asking For Painkillers

A local anti-vaxxer has strayed from their recently discovered caution towards medicine after waking up with a 'migraine'.
Mice Plague

NSW Mice Plague Protesters Release Millions More Mice Into Plagued Areas

Due to the government being unable to stop a mice plague from ravaging parts of the country, thousands of NSW citizens have taken matters into their own hands with a powerful protest.
Turnbull

Turnbull Slams Vaccine Rollout As Biggest Failure Since His Own NBN Rollout

Former Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull has labelled Scott Morrison’s Covid-19 vaccine rollout an “incredible failure”.
St Joseph's

St Joseph’s Boys Accidentally Receive New Kidneys Despite Having Two Already

Following reports that 163 St Joseph’s Students mistakenly received the highly scarce Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, it’s been revealed that several of the boys were also given new kidneys.