Audi Drivers Furious About Release Of ‘Tiny Penis’ Emoji
“Not that it’s true…if anything, driving an Audi proves you have an enormous penis"
Woman Wearing Fake Engagement Ring To Deter Creeps Successfully Deters Ethical Single Men
Growing weary of the numerous men flirting with her, Tash (26) has taken some sage advice from a friend, and started wearing a phoney engagement ring.
Milo 4.5 Health Star Rating Assumes Sprinkling It On Salad
“It’s obviously only meant to be consumed in very small portions as a salad dressing, and I think you’ll find it’s much lower in fat than most alternatives"
George R.R. Martin Spotted Umpiring At Wimbledon To Avoid Writing The Winds Of Winter
“He’ll literally do anything to avoid writing the book, and he’s got so much pull around the world that he can make his ridiculous excuses a reality"
Borderline Acquaintances Trying Equally Hard To Pretend They Didn’t Recognise Each Other
“She must have started working around here, I reckon I see her two or three times a week now”
Rookie Council Worker Foolishly Thinks He’s Ready To Hold A ‘Slow’ Sign
"I’ve been crushing it standing around in hi-vis looking at the bloke using the forklift ay, and I’m regularly breaking the 50% barrier for getting the morning coffee orders right. I’m ready”