Wednesday, September 23, 2020
Trump Opposite Day

Trump Claims It Was Opposite Day

“As you know, because it was opposite day, I meant the opposite of everything I said, so clearly I meant that ‘I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be Russia’ not would”
Food Too Hot

Genius Puts Food Too Hot For Fingers Into Mouth

Witnesses told Seems Legit that he then made a series of awkward screaming noises as he attempted to cool the food with his breath while it was still in his open mouth.

Man Unsure Whether He Really Needs To ‘Safely Eject USB’ Or Can Just Yank...

“I’ve seen other people be so cavalier with their USB drives, and they never seem to have any problems”
No Cash Left On Premises

Burglar Sues Shop Owner For Falsely Claiming There Was No Cash Left On Premises

“Like anyone, thieves need income, so my client scouted out some opportunities for work in the area”
Optus CEO

Optus CEO To Become New NBN Boss After Handling Of World Cup Streaming

“It’s a little disappointing he hasn’t found a way to blame the issues on Labor yet, but we’re confident his best work is still to come”

Manager Says A-sap Because Pronouncing A.S.A.P. Wastes Time He Can’t Afford

A very busy and important manager for an architectural agency, has recently begun using the term ‘A-sap’ when making an urgent request.