Psychic Unsure If Her Business Has Much Of A Future
‘Esmeralda the Clairvoyant’ (or Emma Rogers according to her driver’s licence) has been reading tea leaves since before she could drink the beverage they create, but now fears the industry is in decline.
6 Billion Zooper Dooper Litres Wasted Due To Inefficient Cutting
“The average Australian consumes 14 Zooper Doopers per day. We know those numbers are skewed a bit by one bloke called Ron, but it still highlights the kind of waste that can accumulate over a summer"
2 Office Cleaners Somehow Close Off Toilets On All 3 Floors At Once
“Yeah, there’s really not much to do when it gets cleaned every day so we do like to mess with them a bit”
Annoying Bloke Inches Concerningly Closer To Guitar At House Party
“He was chatting to me about the advantages of rolling his own cigarettes when he caught sight of it. He trailed off and did a double-take…it’s just a matter of time now”.
Audi Drivers Furious About Release Of ‘Tiny Penis’ Emoji
“Not that it’s true…if anything, driving an Audi proves you have an enormous penis"
George R.R. Martin Spotted Umpiring At Wimbledon To Avoid Writing The Winds Of Winter
“He’ll literally do anything to avoid writing the book, and he’s got so much pull around the world that he can make his ridiculous excuses a reality"