Saturday, May 10, 2025
Anti-Vaxxer

‘Just Give Me Whatever’s The Strongest’ Says Anti-Vaxxer Asking For Painkillers

A local anti-vaxxer has strayed from their recently discovered caution towards medicine after waking up with a 'migraine'.
School Leaver

‘This Is My 12th Beer’ Says School Leaver On His 3rd Beer

"Beer's just like water to me these days, it barely touches me"
Close Contact

New Definition Of ‘Close Contact’ To Exclude Anyone Not Already Craving Human Flesh

"Basically, we let the virus run free in NSW and massively underestimated how bad it would be lol"
Rapid Test

Scomo: ‘If Infectious People Go To Enough Places They’ll Surely Find A Rapid Test’

"With the prices they're going for, I might see if Jenny can put a few on Gumtree on the downlow"
TikTok

Scomo Runs Rapid Test Giveaway On His TikTok To Boost Following

"I know how much you kids want rapid tests, so I'll be giving them away to five lucky winners"
Novak

Scomo Reckons Novak Might Have Hoarded All The RAT Tests

“Novak's trying to get an exemption from the Covid vaccine, right around the time that we have a shortage of Covid tests. Coincidence?"