Excessive consumption of high-carbohydrate foods is the perfect preparation for a half-marathon, it has been confirmed.
Despite living a largely sedentary life, Nick (31) is confident that his 29% body fat, 103 kilo frame is more than capable of handling the run.
“I remember in school they taught us about the importance of elite athletes eating heaps of carbs before an event” Nick told Seems Legit.
“Since that day, I’ve been dedicated to smashing chips, spaghetti, Nutri-Grain, and whatever else I can to keep my body in a state of peak physical preparedness”.
After signing up through his office for the ‘Run for a Sneezin’ event, that aims to increase awareness about the sniffles, Nick has only intensified his efforts to maximise energy levels.
“For lunch today I had a big sandwich filled with leftover fried rice and noodles. That’s three monster carb sources in the one meal!
“I’m thinking of doing the same tomorrow but with gnocchi instead of noodles to make it four.
“Gnocchi is also a great alternative when you’re feeling a bit queasy from eating so many chips, but need to maintain your important potato intake”.
Although Nick understands that energy consumption is the most critical factor in endurance based performance, he’s also been testing himself physically in the lead up to the event.
“Earlier today I went for a mid-morning Maccas trip, and just as I was about to cross the road, the little green traffic light man switched to flashing red.
“I went into a half-jog like it was nothing to get through in time, and barely even broke a sweat.
“This was a four lane street too, not one of those pansy two lane crossings”.
In addition to the brand new $300 pair of Nikes he’s saving for the race, Nick also told us about a secret weapon he plans to unleash on the big day.
“Red Bull mixed with Powerade mate!
“I’ve already made 2 litres of the stuff to scull just before kick-off, or whatever the running equivalent of that is.
“Combine that with my pre-run pasta meal, and I’ll be an unstoppable combination of electrolytes, taurine, and carbonara!”
Update:
After a very impressive first 30 metres, Nick’s confidence was replaced with a brutal stitch, before he threw up the full 2 litres of his alleged magic energy elixir.
Nick is hopeful that he’s raised a lot of awareness about the dangers of the sniffles, given that a serious flu virus is the only possible explanation for failure given his outstanding preparation.
