Carlton Fan Stays Until Final Siren To Avoid Traffic
“After the final siren sounds, I’m able to leisurely waltz out of there feeling recharged and ready to pretend football doesn’t exist for another week"
Entire Country Suddenly Realises It Doesn’t Actually Like Soccer
“Toughen up and play a real sport mate, soccer is for soft pansy wankers”
World Cup Purist Struggles To Explain Why Aussie ‘Football’ Team Called Socceroos
“The sport is football. Real fans know them as the Footballroos”
GWS Fuming Over Vicious Headbutt To Jeremy Cameron’s Elbow
“As you can see in the replay, Jeremy is just trying to compete in a marking contest, when Harris Andrews, who isn’t even facing the ball, headbutts him right in the elbow”
Rance Relieved World Cup Puts His Diving Into Perspective
“It’s like I’m an extra on Home and Away and they’re all Robert De Niro”
Clarko Meets Gil For Coffee After Only Getting Eight 50m Penalties Against Port
“The umpires have to realise it’s a critical part of how we move the ball forward”