Monday, April 20, 2026
Borderline Acquaintances

Borderline Acquaintances Trying Equally Hard To Pretend They Didn’t Recognise Each Other

“She must have started working around here, I reckon I see her two or three times a week now”
Slow Walking Trio

Slow Walking Trio Takes Over Footpath, Set Sights On Rest Of The World

Three co-workers, armed with nothing other than mediocre gossip, have managed to completely block a footpath, preventing humans walking at normal speed from getting past.
Biggest Morning Tea

‘You’re Welcome Kids’ Says Man Who Donated $2.35 To Biggest Morning Tea Fundraiser

“Cop that cancer” he was also heard saying while dumping his shrapnel collection into a donation bucket.

Slow Witted Man Needs To Pause ‘Reading Bits’ In Movies

A night of ‘Netflix and chill’ has gone horribly wrong for Connor (27) after it became apparent he needs to pause the text parts of films because otherwise they disappear before he’s finished reading them.

Guy Flees Party To Escape Awkwardness Of Waiting In Line To Greet Birthday Girl

“I couldn’t see anyone else I knew, so greeting Jane was the only available choice"
Cockroach Flamethrower

Flamethrower Licenses Approved If Citizens Confirm They Thought They Saw A Cockroach Crawl Under...

A law has recently been passed to allow all Australians important access to flamethrowers and other ‘tools’ if they believe they might have seen a cockroach inside their home.