Psychic Unsure If Her Business Has Much Of A Future
‘Esmeralda the Clairvoyant’ (or Emma Rogers according to her driver’s licence) has been reading tea leaves since before she could drink the beverage they create, but now fears the industry is in decline.
Audi Drivers Furious About Release Of ‘Tiny Penis’ Emoji
“Not that it’s true…if anything, driving an Audi proves you have an enormous penis"
‘This Is My 12th Beer’ Says School Leaver On His 3rd Beer
"Beer's just like water to me these days, it barely touches me"
Busy Man Has Spoonful Of Cereal On Trip From Kitchen To Couch
Despite often eating cereal as a snack or quick dinner during the 6 hours of Netflix he puts in after work most nights, the seconds saved getting started early are apparently critical.
Guy Flees Party To Escape Awkwardness Of Waiting In Line To Greet Birthday Girl
“I couldn’t see anyone else I knew, so greeting Jane was the only available choice"
George R.R. Martin Spotted Umpiring At Wimbledon To Avoid Writing The Winds Of Winter
“He’ll literally do anything to avoid writing the book, and he’s got so much pull around the world that he can make his ridiculous excuses a reality"