Wednesday, April 15, 2026
New Neighbour

New Neighbour Ingratiates Himself By Moving In At 5am On Sunday

“I really appreciate it” said Stephanie, a surgeon who lives next door and will now be working off four hours less sleep as she attempts to save lives today.
Burning Nike Shoes

Nike Devastated People Are Burning Shoes They Already Paid For

"That's really showed us how barbaric we were in supporting someone who is non-violently protesting against innocent African Americans being killed by police"
Range Rover

Range Rover Clocks 5km Per Hour Going Over 30km Speed Bumps

The driver of a luxury 4WD capable of handling savage off-road terrain, recently elected to slow down far more than required to negotiate a series of very minor speed bumps.
Zooper Dooper

6 Billion Zooper Dooper Litres Wasted Due To Inefficient Cutting

“The average Australian consumes 14 Zooper Doopers per day. We know those numbers are skewed a bit by one bloke called Ron, but it still highlights the kind of waste that can accumulate over a summer"
Drilling Noise

Tradie Seems Pretty Unconcerned By Drilling Noise In Busy Office

Witnesses told Seems Legit that he disappeared after about half an hour of drilling with it still being completely unclear what he had achieved.
Food Too Hot

Genius Puts Food Too Hot For Fingers Into Mouth

Witnesses told Seems Legit that he then made a series of awkward screaming noises as he attempted to cool the food with his breath while it was still in his open mouth.