Tuesday, March 17, 2026
Cockroach Flamethrower

Flamethrower Licenses Approved If Citizens Confirm They Thought They Saw A Cockroach Crawl Under...

A law has recently been passed to allow all Australians important access to flamethrowers and other ‘tools’ if they believe they might have seen a cockroach inside their home.
Burning Nike Shoes

Nike Devastated People Are Burning Shoes They Already Paid For

"That's really showed us how barbaric we were in supporting someone who is non-violently protesting against innocent African Americans being killed by police"
IQ Test Genius

Report: 95% Of People Score In Top 2% Of Online IQ Test

"It's almost definitely not because our company earns money based on how many people take the test, and that most people would only share their results and encourage their friends to take it if they've performed well"
George R.R. Martin

George R.R. Martin Spotted Umpiring At Wimbledon To Avoid Writing The Winds Of Winter

“He’ll literally do anything to avoid writing the book, and he’s got so much pull around the world that he can make his ridiculous excuses a reality"

Lifetime Of Carbo-loading Prepares Accountant For Charity Run

Excessive consumption of high-carbohydrate foods is the perfect preparation for a half-marathon, it has been confirmed.

Plumber Hopes Clients Appreciate His Waxed Crack

Following many years of having clients look away from him uncomfortably or snicker behind his back, Justin Case (38) has finally decided to do something about it.