‘Esmeralda the Clairvoyant’ (or Emma Rogers according to her driver’s licence) has been reading tea leaves since before she could drink the beverage they create, but now fears the industry is in decline.
“I really didn’t see this coming” said Esmeralda after the bank foreclosed on her premises.
Following years of waning interest in her wisdom, things started to deteriorate further a few months ago when Esmeralda moved her crystal ball to the edge of her celestial table (purchased at IKEA), while tucking into some KFC.
She then watched it smash on the ground after dropping the mystical device with her chicken greased fingers.
“I’ve had to focus more on the tarot cards since then, but I’d mainly been using my deck to play Kings Cup before that, and the sticky, beer-stained cards don’t seem to be as prophetically accurate” said Esmeralda after apparently advising a client that the card numbered 9 meant his future would involve busting a rhyme.
One of Esmeralda’s former clients, Stuart, is also attempting to sue her.
Esmeralda advised him back in 2010 that he shouldn’t invest in Bitcoin, due to her understanding being that it was a company involved in the not very lucrative specialty of salvaging fragments from damaged coins.
Stuart is attempting to recover more than a billion dollars, which despite a recent decline in value, is what his proposed five figure investment would be worth today.
Fortunately for Esmeralda, she instead recommended that he invest in Blockbuster Video, so the only legal advice Stuart could afford was through re-watching a DVD of Law & Order he was unable to return to the video store, due to the building being demolished during the weekly rental period.
We at Seems Legit admit to initially being a little sceptical of Esmeralda’s gifts, but that was before a very positive reading for the future of this website.
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