Flamethrower Licenses Approved If Citizens Confirm They Thought They Saw A Cockroach Crawl Under The Couch

Cockroach Flamethrower

A law has recently been passed to allow all Australians important access to flamethrowers and other ‘tools’ if they believe they might have seen a cockroach inside their home.

A suburban housewife named Claire is one of many advocates for the new legislation, after difficult experiences dealing with the black or brown descendants of Hades in the past.

“We already know that nukes won’t get the job done so they’re out.

“Guns are banned here so that’s not an option either.

“Sledgehammers can be effective on one, but impractical if dealing with multiple targets, and even after almost suffocating yourself emptying a can of bug spray on them, they can still often scamper out of view so you’re never quite sure that it’s really dead.

“I’m very glad our government has finally given us a sensible solution”.

One early adopter of the flamethrower technique is John Faulkner, who now lives on the streets due to burning his home to the ground after being “pretty sure” he witnessed a large, winged roach scurry underneath his leather lounge suite.

John described his actions as “completely warranted”.