A local dentist has revealed significantly lower than expected requirements for her clients in regards to the highly resented chore of flossing teeth.
“I’ve had to adjust my expectations over the years” said Dr Leslie Plark, a professional tooth advisor for nearly two decades.
“I started off recommending twice daily with each brushing like the rest of them.
“That was obviously never going to happen, so I moved to once per day, and then a few times per week.
“Then I realised I barely even floss myself because it’s super annoying so stopped giving my patients such a hard time about it”.
The new stance has put Dr Plark at odds with the country’s leading authority on dentistry, the National Australian Tooth Safety Intelligence Service (also known as the NATSIS) who still officially recommend flossing twice daily.
“That’s an absolute minimum!” said Dr Lyle Yankum, a veteran orthodontist who is currently serving as chancellor for the NATSIS.
“I floss at least 30 times per day, and much more if I eat or drink anything.
“And I always cut food into small enough pieces to swallow like tablets rather than using my precious teeth to chew. It’s absolutely ridiculous that everyone isn’t doing this.
“If people insist on putting larger portions of food in their mouth despite the potential to cause damage to their teeth, they should be flossing between each bite”.
Although he’s in a position of significant power, Dr Yankum has endured rumours that he intentionally causes much more pain than necessary to any patients who haven’t been taking appropriate care of their teeth between visits.
“I would never do that” said the NATSIS chancellor with a sly wink.
“But if I did, it would be justified as studies have shown that causing physical and mental pain to people is key to changing behaviour.
“And it’s not like they can prove anything, it’s the same as going to a mechanic, you just have to accept whatever they tell you” he said while laughing maniacally.
We later asked the more relaxed Dr Plark if she had concerns that a lack of flossing may lead to gingivitis and gum disease.
“Well yeah, it’s certainly not ideal, but what are you going to do?
“At this stage I’m happy if they’ll occasionally give them a brush and cut down a bit on the amount of chocolate and Doritos they consume while sleeping”.