The Australian Waste Authority (AWA) has released a report estimating that several billion litres of Zooper Dooper iceblock liquid has been squandered to sinks and bins in Australia this past summer.
“It’s the national crisis no one is talking about” said AWA spokesman, Greg Savely.
“We obviously disdain any sort of wastage, but with a resource as precious as Zooper juice, it just isn’t sustainable for Australians to continue cutting the packaging so inefficiently.
“On average, 9ml from each 70ml serving is lost through cavalier use of scissors to release the Zooper goodness from its plastic vessel”.
Seems Legit understands that a further 7ml is then generally forfeited due to not extracting the last of the Zooper juice before grabbing a new one.
“For those of you who utilise the toothpaste style finger massage method, or blow and suck technique to first inflate the Zooper Dooper and allow for greater efficiency when sucking down the remaining nectar, we thank you, but far too many citizens lack the patience for this.
“The average Australian consumes 14 Zooper Doopers per day. We know those numbers are skewed a bit by one bloke called Ron, but it still highlights the kind of waste that can accumulate over a summer”.
These sentiments were echoed by Zooper Dooper co-founder, Jane Dooper, whose company is struggling to keep up with the demand.
“People underestimate what’s involved in producing a Zooper Dooper, particularly with the extensive travel required to procure ingredients for our delicious cosmic flavours” said Dooper.
“Our reserves for flavours like Cola Cosmos, Raspberry Rocket, and Space Pineapple are already dwindling…do you think Australians can just go back to having the regular pineapple? Not a chance!”
With rumours of Chinese shoppers already buying out entire supplies at certain supermarkets, and others stockpiling the beloved Fairy Floss Force Field flavor in anticipation of a shortage, the government could soon be forced to declare a national emergency.