Scomo: ‘If Infectious People Go To Enough Places They’ll Surely Find A Rapid Test’

With COVID-19 surging across Australia and the traditional PCR testing capacity totally insufficient to handle the load, the government has encouraged people to get rapid antigen tests instead.

These tests are so simple you can take them yourself without the assistance of a medical professional, and should give you a result within 20 minutes.

However, the downsides are that you have to pay for them, and there’s already a massive shortage throughout the country.

“Look, if infectious people go to enough places they’ll surely find a rapid test I reckon” said the pragmatic Prime Minister.

“If you think you have COVID, I urge you to try as many shops as possible to find that test so you can keep the community safe.

“The good news is that now we’ve changed the definition of a close contact, it takes four hours with a contagious person to catch it, so the system is working as intended.

While one of the proposed benefits of the rapid test is that you can take it without being around other people to avoid either catching or passing on the virus, some experts are suggesting that sick people visiting shops all over the place could actually amplify the spread.

It’s also become apparent that retailers are taking advantage of the shortage by charging exorbitant fees for them.

“I think I might be in the wrong business haha” joked the Australian Prime Minister after this was pointed out to him.

“I’m not too worried though, we’ve got a decent supply of them saved for important people like government ministers and any young female staffers they’re having an affair with, or at least trying to.

“Although with the prices they’re going for, I might see if Jenny can put a few on Gumtree on the downlow”.

Some are arguing that the government should have ensured we had adequate stocks of the tests before letting COVID run free and certainly before declaring them as a critical part of our testing regime, as well as making them free to anyone who needs them.

“I’m not one to point fingers, but do you know how many rapid antigen tests were ordered by Kevin Rudd when he was in power?

“Not a single one, and do you know how many I’ve ordered? I don’t know either, but it’s definitely more than that, so I think we know who dropped the ball here”.