After months of demanding privacy for he and his families, Barnaby Joyce refused to relax his position despite inviting Channel 7 into his home for a $150K interview.
“This is hardly the time or the place” said an angry Mr Joyce when asked for details about the affair he agreed to discuss.
“When you’ve been in politics for as long as I have, you know how to stop a question…” continued the former Deputy Prime Minister.
“…but unfortunately, you don’t necessarily know how to stop lying, cheating, and impregnating your employees. Anyway, back to how cute my baby looks in a onesie”.
Both Joyce and his partner, Vikki Campion expressed disdain for people in the media shamefully using their new born son for their own benefit, before bathing him naked on national TV and dressing him in ‘I ♥ Dad’ pyjamas in an attempt to garner sympathy from the public.
The invasion of his son’s privacy was seemingly the only breach Joyce was comfortable with during the hour-long interview on Channel 7’s Sunday Night.
Something the couple wanted to make very clear was that the $150,000 they received for the interview was going into a trust for their son Sebastian’s education.
It was of great relief to the Australian people that when it comes to Sebastian’s schooling, the couple won’t need to use money they’ve received either from Joyce’s salary earned when he wasn’t eligible to be in government due to dual citizenship, or from Campion’s income in parliamentary roles that are alleged to have been gained because of her relationship with the then Deputy PM.
The expected plan to home school little Sebastian should make misappropriating that money as easy as ‘allegedly’ charging taxpayers for the trip Joyce took Ms Campion on in April 2017, even though she was no longer employed in his office.
Perhaps the most touching revelation of the interview was when Joyce described the importance of him being the one to tell his wife Natalie about the affair rather than her finding out another way.
Despite hiding it for several months and showing no sign of telling her until it was exposed in the media, this comment reportedly warmed the hearts of many viewers.
When Seems Legit asked how he thought the interview went, Joyce seemed relieved that Australia could finally see the same charming adonis Vikki had fallen in love with.
“My only major complaint was that they chose Alex Cullen to do the interview.
“Clearly Channel 7 was intentionally having a dig at me using a bloke with such glorious, majestic hair when I’m ever so slightly receding”.